Sex keeps you warm in winter

Sex is a great way to keep warm during these cold winter months and being creative in finding ways to burn up the sheets will only add to the heat. Sharing body heat is a great way to conserve energy and your fuel bill will not be sky high! Nothing beats staying in and having hot sex on a cold night, especially compared to driving in the snow, scraping the windshield, and shoveling the drive.

If you want to put some extra heat between your sheets while waiting for the sunny days of spring here are a few tips and tricks to help your sex life be a breeze rather than freeze.

* Go from water to land. Take a hot shower or bath together to warm up. Lathering each other up and rinsing each other off will do more than steam up your bathroom mirrors. Then towel each other off and hit the bed.
* Next time you hit the sheets with your partner, get in bed completely dressed. I know that is the opposite of what people usually do but shedding the extra layers while you are making out under the sheets will turn up your body heat and your sexual heat. You won’t be able to wait to get to the bottom of each other’s layers and feel that skin on skin.
* Use those sex toys! I have a friend who told me every time she uses her Hitachi Magic Wand, she can feel her body getting hotter until her whole body is perspiring. She actually has to toss the covers off! Getting the extra stimulation sex toys can give will keep even the coldest couple basking in the warmth.
* If you have a fireplace, use it! You don’t need to do the stereotypical bearskin rug thing to make hot love in front of the flames. Try pulling an armless chair in front of the fireplace and straddling your partner while you feel and make the heat. Read more>>

No To Oral Sex? You Can Still Have A Great Sex Life

Foreplay is an important part of having a satisfying sexual experience. It is not just about the size of the male partner's penis or how flexible your female partner is. Building up to the final act is an vital part of the whole sexual experience. If you and your partner are pretty much going straight to the sexual intercourse, your sex life will become predictable, and possibly leading to sexual frustration in one or both of the partners.

Oral sex can be very pleasurable and cause the male or female to achieve an orgasm even prior to sexual intercourse. While the majority of men and women who receive oral enjoy it, there are are number of individuals who do not like to give or receive it.

Why Do Individuals Not Enjoy Receiving or Giving Oral Sex?

Women who do not like receiving oral sex may feel self conscious about how she tastes or smells down there. Some women may also feel uncomfortable about how their vagina looks, and may be more comfortable receiving oral if the lights are turned off. If your female partner shows discomfort in receiving oral, ease her into it. Let her know that you enjoy pleasuring her that way and while you are doing it, express your happiness in doing it by telling her "You taste so good" or "I love making you have an orgasm this way." You can also suggest using a flavored lubricant to make her feel more comfortable if she is worried about how she tastes or smells down there. If you partner is absolutely against it, respect her wishes and do not do it.

Although the majority of men do enjoy receiving oral sex, believe it or not, there are men who prefer not to receive it. Similar to women, he may feel self conscious about the way he tastes. He may also worry about making the female gag. He may also feel a little vulnerable, or be afraid of accidently biting or discomfort of the teeth scraping against his sensitive penis. Read more >>

Brutish Male Sexuality

The tired trope of aggressive male sexuality is a pervasive one. The story goes like this: because men are full of testosterone and sperm as well as unhindered by the consequence of pregnancy, their sexuality is naturally brutish and promiscuous. Testosterone fuels aggression, billions of sperm want hundreds of outlets and nature failed to offset these desires with physical dangers associated with reproduction.

The compliment to this heterocentric sex story is that women, with their limited eggs, lack of testosterone and pregnancy burden are naturally chaste and self protective. Any sexual adventurousness or licentiousness is only done to please men and keep them around so they will help with the child rearing.

A simple and neatly packaged explanation of human sexuality. But it’s wrong. Let’s do some debunking.

Myth No. 1: Testosterone makes men aggressive.

Origins: The idea that testosterone is an aggression correlate comes from an experiment that found castrating male mice reduced combativeness. Naturally, culture extrapolated these findings to humans and claimed testosterone had the same effect on male humans.

Reality: In a 2009 study, European researchers administered either .5 mg of testosterone or a placebo to male participants before engaging them in a game of cooperation that involved negotiating money distribution with other players. They could make an offer as fair or unfair as they wished and those on the receiving end could choose to accept or decline. The findings? Testosterone recipients made fairer offers, a direct contradiction with common beliefs about testosterone and aggression. Researchers suggested that testosterone influences a sensitivity towards status which is expressed as cooperativeness in pro-social situations. Read more >>

11 Natural Ways To Boost Your Sex Drive

If "No, honey, not tonight," sounds familiar, you or your partner may be one of the many women with a low libido. According to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, 43% of women under age 60 have some type of sexual dysfunction, and decreased libido, or sexual appetite, is the most common sexual dysfunction. Find out what causes low libido in women and discover natural ways to recharge desire here.

Romantic Cooking

"Cooking for somebody else, or cooking with somebody else, that says 'I care about you. You're worth my time.' And that's really the biggest turn-on of all," says Martha Hopkins, co-author of Intercourses: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook. Hopkins had 75 couples -- ranging from first date to 50-year relationships -- test drive her recipes. For those in a long-term relationship cooking together can be an excuse for a date night and a chance to rekindle the initial spark, and for those on a first date it can be a sexy icebreaker, Hopkins explained.

"In the Mood" Foods

When it comes to aphrodisiacs, Hopkins says, "There's no rule, it's about the imagination. The brain is the strongest sex organ." She recommends foods that are quick and easy to make, so you're not exhausted by the time you're done cooking. One favorite? Chocolate that melts in your mouth, which contains cocoa butter, one of the only fats that melts at body temperature. That sensual feeling of the pulling of chocolate on your tongue, Hopkins says, triggers the same "Mmm" and "Ahh" sounds as lovemaking.

Addressing Relationship Problems

Relationship satisfaction is a critical part of ensuring sexual satisfaction. "If we are upset about something, we often bring it into the bedroom with us," says Calee Spinney, MA, and Project Coordinator at Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion. "How can we have great sex with someone we feel inferior to or don't get along with?" The effect? "Holding grudges, feeling like your partner isn't contributing to the relationship, not feeling supported, etc. can make any woman's libido disappear," says Amy Levine, sexuality educator and founder of Sex Ed Solutions.

Arousing Your Senses

Indulging in sensory pleasures, like your favorite music and fragrances, can have an affect on libido. Levine recommends, "Getting in touch with music that you loved when your libido was kickin'. Then you can graduate to new favorites. Go to Sephora or a department store and sample a ton of fragrances. Take notice of the ones that make you tingle." Sensory pleasures' power over libido varies, says Spinney, so she suggests incorporating different combinations: "Look for a new CD to play, blindfold your partner so they can focus on their other senses, use scented lotions for massage or try edible paints and powders!" Read more >>

A Guide to Orgasm Etiquette

We hope we don’t need to point out that just one orgasm, for one partner, is not the finishing tape of a sex run. Instead, think of sex as a three-legged race — your partner can neither compete nor cross the finish line without your help, and vice versa. Each partner should make a concerted effort to satisfy their partner before throwing the towel in.

Because a woman’s post-orgasmic resolution phase is slower and more gradual than a man’s, it makes sense that her orgasm come first: she can often continue to receive and enjoy stimulation, including penetration, long after her first O. In fact continued attention may result in multiple orgasms for a few lucky bitches…excuse us, women. In contrast, men who have climaxed first may consequently struggle against their own quicker resolution and its attendant urges toward sleep and TV watching. However, this is no excuse for shirking sexual responsibility. Men can and should continue to pleasure their female partner until she is satisfied (whatever “satisfied” means to that individual).

A word of caution, though: The only thing worse than a man who does not care about a woman’s orgasm is one who cares about it to the exclusion of all else. This is the man who heads downtown and vows not to come up for air until his girlfriend does her best Meg Ryan. He approaches handwork like weeding (“Must. Dig Up. Orgasm!”) and swears, in dulcet tones an octave lower than his usual voice, that he is dedicated to “female pleasure.” He wants to be a super-lover — his ego depends upon it. He covets her orgasms like a Boy Scout covets merit badges. While the intention is indeed admirable, all that pressure can leave a woman wishing she had just played golf instead. Plus, giving her performance anxiety is the best way to ensure she won’t reach orgasm. Don’t worry guys, you won’t lose your “Sensitive Guy” merit badge if you believe her when she says that she’s happy with the sex for sex’s sake, and you give up graciously. Sometimes, the fat lady simply will not sing. But that doesn’t mean everyone can’t still enjoy the show. Read on >>

Why bad sex doesn't count

So what are some of the excuses people make to keep their “magic number” low and their “I don’t make bad choices” view of themselves high? Oh, well there’s a whole list of ‘em!

Two pump chump: If it’s less than three pumps, it doesn’t really count.

The hangover: If you only remember some of it, it doesn’t really count.

Flaccid Freddy: If it doesn’t stay erect the whole time, it doesn’t really count.

Climax control: If he didn’t finish, it doesn’t really count.

Straight as an arrow: That girl on Spring Break doesn’t really count.

Timer Tammy: If it was less than two minutes, it doesn’t really count.

The one night stand: If it was only one time, so it doesn’t really count.

Anonymous fun: I didn’t even know his name, so it doesn’t really count.

College co-ed: It was just a college experience, it doesn’t really count.

Trippin’ traveler: If it happened in Vegas, it doesn’t really count.

The escort: If you pay for it then it doesn’t really count.

Kissing Karla: We didn’t kiss so it doesn’t really count.

The first time: Oh, the first time doesn’t really count.

Bad to the bone: It was awful, so it doesn’t really count. Read more >>

How to give a GREAT blowjob

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Is there sex after marriage?

For many, marriage can be deadly. Not that it kills the husband or wife—at least not usually. It does, however, tend to kill the romance. Why? Because romance thrives on doing what’s forbidden and, in marriage, sex is sanctioned by religion, family and the government. “God created sex,” said Voltaire (who happened to have a 15-year love affair with the married Marquise du Châtelet), “Priests created marriage.”

Marriage is an institution and, like court houses, jails, schools, hospitals, mental wards and other institutions, it can feel like a prison. As a therapist, I talk to many POMs (Prisoners of Marriage), doing my part to help them find a little freedom, either within or without the marriage.

But for some reason, I’ve never felt confined by my own marriage; it has always been a rock of sexual security as well as a constant catalyst for erotic change. I realize that statement could someday explode in my happily married little face, just as Al and Tipper’s famous 2000 Democratic Convention kiss is now exploding in theirs, but I’ll take that chance, as I’m in a celebratory mood. Also, I feel that it’s important, in this age of marriage after “perfect” marriage falling apart, to ruminate upon the possible reasons why ours keeps on ticking, with lots of licking.

Make Love First If You Want to Make Love Last

First and foremost, our love is based upon sexual attraction. I don’t know about “love at first sight,” but we sure felt lust at first sight (he for my legs, I for his smile). That’s an important component to making desire last: feeling it first. People who aren’t attracted to each other when they get married may get along fine—and even share orgasmic sex—but they can’t re-ignite their spark of lust if it was never fired up between them in the first place. If sparks did fly in your first meetings, there are always ways to keep them alive, like the eternal flame in Solomon’s Temple. Read on >>

Making sex fun

One of the best parts about sex – besides the obvious, of course – is how much fun it can be. Sure, intense and romantic sex is great too, but there is something really stimulating about being able to laugh while you’re getting down and dirty. Sex can be so good for you, and laughter can be too. So, the combination is downright irresistible.

Making sex fun is all about your mindset. The only expectation should be enjoying yourself and your partner. No dramatic, sweeping music, rose petals strewn on beds, or velvet curtains required here. Just set aside your day and relax. And if things get silly, well then, let them get silly. Giggling has never been known to ruin an orgasm.

If you’re not sure how to ramp up the fun in your after-hours play, why not introduce games into the mix? There are a zillion out there to suit nearly every taste. Here are a few ideas.

1. Group games. Don’t panic. I’m not talking about group sex. I’m talking about games you can play with close, open-minded friends that will send everyone home in the mood. Like Sexy Slang. It’s a naughty Pictionary-style game that gets you acting out all sorts of sexual expressions from the tame to the insane!

2. Go ahead, ask. The adorably packaged Bachelorette Box of Questions can be really fun in a group or just with two. I don’t see any reason bachelorettes should get to have all the fun. So invite the guys and the couples too. It’s 52 questions that will get everyone talking now and doing anything but later…read on >>

Make love not dinner

For many women exhausted by today’s doing-it-all pace of life, a night on the sofa with a Sex and the City box set is a more tempting option than a night of passion with their partner. But saying yes to sex (whether or not you’re in the mood) will increase your desire – and do wonders for your relationship.

Sarah is always full of good intentions when it comes to having sex with Paul, her husband of 12 years. It’s just that the 42-year-old mother of two never quite seems to get round to living up to them.

‘I’m acutely aware that we haven’t made love for several weeks now and each morning I wake up thinking ‘I’m going to make an effort tonight,’ she admits. ‘Then when the evening does come round I’m so exhausted from working and looking after the children that it’s as much as I can do to sit upright and watch a BBC drama, never mind find the energy to make love.’

It’s not an unfamiliar story, of course – so much so that the weary doing-it-all modern woman for whom sex is at the bottom of the to-do list has become something of a modern cliché. Certainly the statistics back it up: numerous studies have shown that women’s desire diminishes after a few years of sharing a bed. While 60 per cent of 30-year-old women wanted sex often at the beginning of a relationship, within four years this figure had fallen to 50 per cent and after 20 years it dropped to 20 per cent. Meanwhile, the proportion of men wanting regular sex stayed constant at between 60 and 80 per cent. Read more >>

10 sex acts you may not know

# Dog In A Bathtub: While doin’ a lady, you put your ball sack in her poop shoot. Yep, that’s about as hard as it is to keep a dog in a bath tub.

# Alexander Graham Bell: This takes three people; at least one must have a penis. So, while blowing the dude, the blower talks into the head. Then, participant #3 tries to listen to what they’re saying by pressing an ear up to their balls like it’s schlong phone. It’s telefornication!

# 72: Simple mathematics—a 69 plus three fingers in the booty hole. You pick the lucky winner!

# The Ice Cream Stand: She does a headstand. You put ice cream in her crotch and eat it out.

# The Abe Lincoln (AKA The Monkey Or The Werewolf): Shave each other’s hot spots. Then, do it. When he’s about to blow, he pulls out and squirts on your face then tosses on the shavings. Viola! Now, you look like you could be president, or a mythical man-beast, or something that belongs in a cage.

# 40 And Plum: This is when you take a chick 40 miles out of town and plum off the road to sex up.

# Ambushed Paddington: Named for the bear, it simply means when you’re about to finish, you pull out and do it all over the face of the teddy bear on her bed.

# Backseat Bullride (Or The Rodeo): While having sex with a girl doggy-style, reach around with your right arm and grab her left boobie. Then, whisper in her ear, “Your sister likes it like this,” and try to hold on for 10 seconds.

# Wheel Of Fortune: Have a girl sit in a chair that spins and stick out her tongue. Then, place your D or V at the precise level of her tongue. Spin the chair as fast as you can.

# Eiffel Tower: A threesome with at least two dudes. While the third is down on all fours, s/he is giving one guy a blowjob while the other is penetrating him/her. Then, the two dudes on either side high-five, forming a structure akin to the Parisian monument. [source: Frisky]

10 steps to orgasm without vibrator

1. Create ambiance: Set the scene for yourself as much as you do with a partner — dim the lights, play some sexy tunes, turn off your phone, etc. Check out our post about getting yourself in the mood for more tips.

2. Try a change of scenery. Don’t always do it in the bedroom — strike while the iron is hot, whether that’s when you’re in front of the TV, working late at the office, or cooking in the kitchen. Or take a long bath or shower and have some silicone-based lube handy (it’s waterproof).

3. Fantasize: When you’re using a super-strong vibrator, it’s easy to get lazy about stimulating your mind, as the Hitachi Magic Wand (etc) is doing all the heavy lifting. Help things along in your head — try erotic short stories, graphic novels, porn or just plain old fantasies. Check out the advice we gave this reader, who lamented the fact that her vibrator didn’t kiss or cuddle, on how to improve masturbation this way.

4. Warm up. With a vibrator and then switch to your hands — or vice versa.

5. Lube up: When you’re using your hands, be sure to use lots of lube, since a well lubed clitoris (and labia) can handle a lot more, and a lot more varied, stimulation.

6. Wean yourself (but don’t call it that). Give your favorite vibe a little less power by using it over clothes or a blanket, using it on a lower and lower setting, or replacing it occasionally with a totally different kind of stimulation. For example, if your fave is an external stimulator like the Nea then try an internal G-spotter like the Dinky Digger. Or use your thumb or squeeze your legs around your wrist or have your partner do whatever he can to at least try to replicate your vibe’s sensations….in a word: experiment! But don’t think of it as weaning yourself off the vibrator, think of it as teasing yourself, building up sexual tension that will hopefully eventually find it’s way out. Read on >>

Great American Sex Survey

There’s an old saying that women round their numbers down and men round them up. Well Adam & Eve, America’s most trusted name in adult entertainment, asked over 1,000 American adults to truthfully reveal how many partners they’d had. And the results may surprise you!

According to Adam & Eve’s ''Great American Sex Survey,'' most respondents (23.8%) revealed they’d only slept with between two to five partners. Of these respondents, 21% were male and 28% were female.

Almost the same percentage (23.1%) had six to 10 partners (22% male vs 24.9% female). And 21.2% have had 11-25 partners (20.5% male vs. 21.4% female).

Most surprising, 11.8% of the respondents (11.7% male vs. 13% female) had only had one sexual partner!

''We were pleased to see that the number of partners for the average person is in line with a similar survey we created around 10 years ago,'' said Katy Zvolerin, Adam & Eve Director or Public Relations. ''It’s interesting to see that even with much more access to sexually oriented media, the average American is still holding on to traditional sexual values in many ways.''

As the number of partners rises, the percentage of respondents appears to decrease. While 11% (13% males vs. 7% females) of the respondents said they’d had between 26 and 50 partners, the smallest answer selection (8.8%) was for more than 50 partners. Of those who had more than 50 sexual partners, 10.86% are male and 5% are female.

Because sexual curiosity is part of human nature, Adam & Eve, the nation’s most respected name in adult entertainment, recently commissioned Cvent, the event management and web survey software company, to launch a sex survey determining Americans’ sexual practices, and the results are surprising.

3 ways to guarantee all-night sex

Have longer lasting, better sex with these tips

Don’t panic
* If you're having problems with longevity in the sack, forget pills or "natural" remedies, as they'll never help, says Dr Keith Hopcroft. "Also, try to keep cool about the situation. It usually improves with time, and 'performance anxiety' just makes matters worse." Try these three techniques to help you go the distance:

1. Get your squeeze to squeeze
* There are a couple of practical things you can do to ensure a longer lay. Wearing a condom (or two), for example, may reduce the sensitivity enough to solve the problem, advises Hopcroft. "An alternative is to try the 'squeeze technique': a firm squeeze of your penis with finger and thumb just below the bell end when you think you're about to come will stop it happening," he says. "She, or you, can repeat this as often as necessary and, in time, you'll learn to control yourself without the squeeze." Of course, as you should make clear to her, you'll need plenty of practice.

2. More intense orgasms
* Once you're lasting a respectable amount of time, for furniture-breaking orgasms your body needs further training. By delaying ejaculation and letting tension build to higher and higher peaks before the final explosion, you'll have an all-over-body sensation. You can prepare outside of the bedroom by exercising the pelvic muscles at the base of the penis. These are what you squeeze to stop urinating, but they also stave off ejaculation. Give them a workout by squeezing them in and out 15 times, twice a day. Gradually increase the frequency to 75. It can be done at a bus stop, or even during a meeting: just don't announce it.

3. Breathe easy
* Also, focus on breathing. Try using a "puffing" technique, whereby you "huff" out breaths while making love until you feel your diaphragm contracting to expel air. As you feel an orgasm coming on, you'll be trained to force out each breath. The result is more tension around the abdomen, meaning a more intense orgasm. Alternatively, try the simple "ice" method. Simply wrapping ice in a cloth and applying it to your testicles before sex can intensify your orgasm. Just remember not to use the cubes in the post sex glass of water. [source]

Have sex, the other way

There's nothing new about hooking up. As a sexual-revolutionary, I practically lived on the Relationship Roller Coaster. Little did I know that biology was arranging every ride. Like many, I believed I just hadn't found "Mr. Right," even after I married and divorced. As it turned out, the issue wasn't so much who as how.

I started to connect the dots in my thirties, when I experimented with a little known sacred sex technique -- and learned something unexpected. The technique calls for generous affection and relaxed intercourse. Instead of climaxing, lovers keep melting into a sort of sexual meditation until they feel completely satisfied. Over thousands of years, people have rediscovered this approach, so it goes by various names: angelic dual cultivation, le jazer (cortezia), karezza, the reserved embrace (amplexus reservatus), and so forth.

The "avoid orgasm" element seemed peculiar, but as much as I loved orgasm, I was ready to try anything that promised greater harmony. I was expending far too much time and energy angsting over my love life.

Early results were mixed. As long as a lover and I stayed with the practice, we experienced growing harmony and deeper intimacy. But it was really easy to drop back into hot foreplay and orgasm. At first, the resulting pattern was almost too subtle to identify, but after a while it became exasperatingly predictable. During the days and weeks after a passion bout, the spark faded. Arguments arose. So did a need for space. Both the drive to "fix" the tension with more hot sex, and the drive to "fix" each other, reached gale force. I thought, "If only he would...." He saw me differently, too. Eventually the relationship would crater, and I would start anew with increased determination. Read on >>

Bareback sex = better sex?

A Scottish psychologist has caused quite a stir with his most recent study, which says having sex without a condom is actually good for your mental health, The Scotsman reported.

Although Professor Stuart Brody of the West Scotland University in Paisley does admit that having unprotected sex can lead to stressful situations, since it can lead to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, he said straight men and women who have sex without a condom can “boost their mental well-being.”

Brody’s findings will be published in an upcoming issue of the Archives of Sexual Behavior. The professor has since been criticized by his peers because of the potential ramifications unsafe sex has.

"Evolution is not politically correct, so of the very broad range of potential sexual behavior, there is actually only one that is consistently associated with better physical and mental health and that is the one sexual behavior that would be favored by evolution,” Brody said. “That is not accidental."

Brody’s study was based on the sexual behavior of 99 women and 111 men in Portugal, who filled out questionnaires about the use of contraceptives. He found that those who had unprotected sex were able to deal with stress in a more mature way and took more effective actions. [source]

Sex as exercise

Fitness Magazine has recently brought us such sexy classics as The "Core-Gasm" Orgasm Workout and Your Better Sex Workout, and this week they're cutting straight to the chase with Sex Positions that Double as Exercise, a look at the strength and flexibility benefits for women from various sex positions, including missionary, doggy-style, cowgirl, lotus, standing, scissors, bridge, arch, and lunges.

No matter how much your partner pleads, you can't substitute time in the sack for time on the treadmill. However, certain sex positions do work a woman's muscle groups -- some so much, in fact, that you might not be able to make it to the gym the next day.

For more sexy fitness tips, check out Fitness Magazine's ongoing Your Sex Life and Your Better Sex Guide features.

Toys for boys

You may have to fight your boyfriend for that Pocket Rocket now that more and more studies are praising sex toys’ gender-neutral benefits. A new study featured in this month’s issue of The Journal of Sexual Medicine reveals that vibrators can greatly improve sexual health. Vibrators have been one method frequently recommended by clinicians treating female patients for sexual dysfunction, but now the same advice is being applied to male patients.

In 2008, data were collected from over 1,000 American men ages 18-60 and found that men engaging in masturbation and partnered sexual activities who had integrated a vibrator into sexual activities during their lives was 44.8%, with 10% having done so in the past month, 14.2% in the past year, and 20.5% more than a year. The really interesting finding? The study showed that males who were currently using vibrators scored higher on four out of five categories of the International Index of Erectile Function, which includes orgasmic function, sexual satisfaction, erectile function and sexual desires. Study results also indicate a significant increase of health-conscious activities in men and women who use vibrators. Men who used vibrators were also more likely to engage in health-conscious behavior (like testicular self-exams). So, ladies—don’t be stingy with Mr. Buzzy. Share the battery-operated love. Share the health. [source]

12 Adorable Sex Toys You’ll Totally Aww Over

Sex toys are naughty and nice, but some times they’re also downright adorable. These fun adult playthings will have you’ll squealing with delight from both their cute form and sexy function. And as coo-worty as they may be, these adorable vibes do not do double duty as toys for children. Seriously.

How do you want sex?

There is more than one way to “want” sex.

When we talk about “wanting” sex, we tend to mean the immediate animal urge. The hard cock or clit. The overpowering physical desire to get busy, now.

But there are other ways of “wanting” sex. You can want the effect sex has on your life, and on your relationship. You can want the closeness and intimacy it gives you with your partner. You can want the affirmation it gives, the feeling of being desired and valued. You can want the confidence and poise that being an actively sexual person can give. You can want the transcendence that sex can create, the experience of epiphany and transformative joy.

And for that matter, you can want the pure animal pleasure of sex . . . without having the immediate physical desire for it. You can know in your head how great sex can feel, and want to re-create that feeling — without your dick or clit being hard right that second. (Sick people often don’t feel much appetite for food — but if they’re smart, they know that food will make them feel better, and they know that once they start eating, their appetite is likely to return.) Read on >>