Is there sex after marriage?

For many, marriage can be deadly. Not that it kills the husband or wife—at least not usually. It does, however, tend to kill the romance. Why? Because romance thrives on doing what’s forbidden and, in marriage, sex is sanctioned by religion, family and the government. “God created sex,” said Voltaire (who happened to have a 15-year love affair with the married Marquise du Châtelet), “Priests created marriage.”

Marriage is an institution and, like court houses, jails, schools, hospitals, mental wards and other institutions, it can feel like a prison. As a therapist, I talk to many POMs (Prisoners of Marriage), doing my part to help them find a little freedom, either within or without the marriage.

But for some reason, I’ve never felt confined by my own marriage; it has always been a rock of sexual security as well as a constant catalyst for erotic change. I realize that statement could someday explode in my happily married little face, just as Al and Tipper’s famous 2000 Democratic Convention kiss is now exploding in theirs, but I’ll take that chance, as I’m in a celebratory mood. Also, I feel that it’s important, in this age of marriage after “perfect” marriage falling apart, to ruminate upon the possible reasons why ours keeps on ticking, with lots of licking.

Make Love First If You Want to Make Love Last

First and foremost, our love is based upon sexual attraction. I don’t know about “love at first sight,” but we sure felt lust at first sight (he for my legs, I for his smile). That’s an important component to making desire last: feeling it first. People who aren’t attracted to each other when they get married may get along fine—and even share orgasmic sex—but they can’t re-ignite their spark of lust if it was never fired up between them in the first place. If sparks did fly in your first meetings, there are always ways to keep them alive, like the eternal flame in Solomon’s Temple. Read on >>