Worst Sex Advice Ever (For men)

1. When she leans down to pick up her napkin, say, “While you’re down there…” and leer at her while you push your crotch out. Then when she laughs awkwardly, huff and tell her parents—who invited you to dinner—that “their daughter has lost her sense of adventure.”

2. Initiate sex with her when she’s late to take the kids to school, while she’s on the phone with her sick grandmother, or 30 minutes after she falls asleep.

3. During sex, grab your partner’s belly and shake it while making menacing Jabba-the-Hut sounds. Then say you’re just kidding. Girls love a guy with a good sense of humor.

4. Call her by your ex-girlfriend’s name. Often. Then tell her you only do it because neither of you will do that thing he likes. You know…that thing that Samantha did. Then never explain who Samantha is or what she did. A girl likes a man with mystery.

5. When your girl has food poisoning and is throwing up things she ate in 1982, huff loudly and say, “Well, I guess we won’t be having sex tonight!” That way, she’ll know you care. About her vagina.

6. Insult all of her friends. Except for the ones that you point out that you would have a three-way with. That way she knows she’s special and that you have discriminating tastes.

7. Sleep with her sister. That way she’ll know you love her family, too.

Read more >>

Need help dumping someone?

The Christmas season isn't only the time for giving, but it's also the time to get out of a relationship. According to a recent study of Facebook status updates, researchers found that many couple break up right before Dec. 25. So if you're one of those people who are thinking of calling it quits with your significant other but don't have the stomach for breaking hearts? Bradley Laborman is the man for the job.

As founder and head dumper for iDump4u.com, Bradley has pinch-ended over 200 relationships since September 2009 with his pay-per-call service. Most of the videos end up posted (and anonymized) for your viewing/cringing pleasure on his site.

For a mere $10, he can get rid of your significant other so you don't have to. What started as a joke on a radio show has now turned into a bona fide business for this Iowa native and recent Big Apple transplant. He's even got a book in the works about what works and what doesn't in a relationship, which seems to cannibalize his service a little, if you ask me.

Belle's Guide to women

Now for some dating gobsmackers: screw the generalisations. I've compiled a short list of horrors from female friends who are actually there at the coal face of dating (plus dropped in a few memorable episodes of my own). Men, just don't do this:

1. Claim to be 30, only to turn up to meet your date sporting fully grey cornrows.

2. Chat with your mum on the phone throughout the date. If it's to do with something serious (she's dying in hospital), cancel the date, fool.

3. Set the meeting place at a pub without disclosing beforehand that you don't drink.

4. Invite a girl you just met to your dead sister's memorial service...

5. ...which your date's ex is also planning to attend.

6. Take your date unexpectedly to a swinger's club, and when she baulks, suggest picking up a hooker on the way home instead. Read more >>

Sex Magic for March 2010

The Vernal Equinox marks the balance of light and dark in our lives and the return to brighter and longer days ahead. It is the foundation for so many holidays around it:
Passover, Easter, and Ostara to name just a few. In ancient times, it was considered the day when the Goddess was reunited with her consort after months of death and darkness; a time their lives together would begin again.
Take advantage of this energy and put aside your differences to grow together and do things you both enjoy. The overall energy for everyone this month is marked by the Empress card.
Get out there and be creative, sexy and fertile. Wear something a little naughty under those daily clothes and get the juices flowing again. You will be bursting with energy before you know it!

http://twitter.com/IdaLovelace

Do you need a maid?

Sexy maids are taking on a whole new look beyond white lace, short skirts and the feather duster. A growing all-male maid service offers cleaning services by buff men wearing nothing but a jockstrap (or less).

The JockStrap Maid Service is available across the United States and claims that they've "got it covered." According to the CBS video below, the men from JockStrap have turned to cleaning as a means of earning extra cash during difficult economic times.

However, a quick peek at their website suggests that they may offer more than just cleaning services. Kane, a maid from Phoenix, makes references to a rub down and another maid who calls himself the Italian Stallion from Fort Lauderdale claims he offers "an expert massage that will delight and invigorate you."

10 Super Silly Sex Tips

In the February issue, Cosmo has 99 quick and easy ways to spice up things in the sack and, I admit, a few impressed me. Like #54: “During missionary sex, place your feet on his chest with your legs crossed to create an extra snug grip.” I am going to try this and will report back. But, as usual, many of the tips were just plain WTF. After the jump, 10 sex tips from Cosmo that are so silly, I suggest you ignore them.

1. (#5) While he’s kissing you, suck on his tongue seductively, imitating what you do to his penis.
2. (#9) Ask him over for dessert. Lie naked with a few pieces of chocolate on you that he can nibble off.
3. (#24) Stay silent until you’re about to orgasm ... then let yourself go. Your animalistic noises will drive him wild.
4. (#50) Place one hand at the base of his shaft, and twist the tip with the other—like you’re opening a jar.
5. (#55) Lightly wrap a cheap beaded necklace around his package, and then move it back and forth.
6. (#57) Hold some sparkling water in your mouth while giving him oral. The bubbles plus warmth will make him quiver.
7. (#69) Keep on a blingy necklace during sex. It’ll draw extra attention to your girls.
8. (#72) Have him place a finger inside you, and put one of yours in too. Doing it together feels totally erotic.
9. (#73) Wear a leather belt around your naked waist during doggie-style. He can pull on it to create more bounce.
10. (#88) Hop in the shower with him while wearing nothing but a white tee. [source]
    

The Sexual Side Effects Of Thanksgiving Dinner

Thanksgiving's a sexy holiday, and Thanksgiving dinner, a sexy meal. Say what?

That's right: what happens at the Thanksgiving table has been proven to get the blood flowing, and we're not talking about your blood pressure. Many of the ingredients that go into turkey-day dinner are natural aphrodisiacs. Below are some of the top randiness-inducers, along with a few recipes that you may or may not want to include on the menu this November (depending on how close you're sitting to drunk Uncle Pete).

Pumpkin Pie: Pumpkin pie does more than expand your waitline: it's also an olfactory sexual aphrodisiac. According Alan Hirsch, a neurologist at Chicago's Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation, the aroma of pumpkin pie increases blood flow to the penis by 40 percent. It works even better when combined with the scent of lavender. And it's not just the smell that gives rise. When consumed, pumpkin provides a healthy dose of zinc, an element necessary for healthy blood flow and testosterone production.

Oysters: Oysters have a long-standing reputation as an aphrodisiac, and for good reason: they contain an enormous amounts of zinc, which, as mentioned before, is oh-so-important for testosterone production (read libido) in both men and women. For men specifically, it has been shown to improve both the longevity of an erection and the quality of sperm. With that in mind, here's an oyster stuffing with shitake mushrooms recipe from Epicurious.com, which packs a one-two punch with zinc-heavy mushrooms.

Fig/Cranberry Sauce: This cranberry sauce with port and dried figs recipe is great for both getting in the mood beforehand and for preventing complications afterward. Figs are high in the sex-drive-boosting Vitamin A (important for the reproductive and circulatory systems), while cranberries are great for treating potential urinary tract infections with a healthy dose of Vitamin C. Figs are also fairly sexually suggestive (when sliced, they resemble a woman's vulva) and could make quite an addition to a holiday tablescape.

Sweet Potato: The sweet potato, while not exactly scientifically proven, has been said to increase the female sex drive if consumed in large amounts. What science does know about the sweet potato is that it is high in potassium, which helps reduce stress, as well as Vitamins A, C and iron—all important sex drive-enhancing nutrients.

Celery & Fennel: Celery seems to find its way in just about every recipe, yet it remains such an unassuming vegetable. Men listen up: celery contains androsterone—a powerful male hormone that stimulates female sexual arousal. Historically, it has also been used as a cure for impotence. For all you ladies out there, while the men chew on celery, make sure you chomp on a bit of fennel. Fennel contains an estrogen-like substance called estriol that not only will boost your libido, but will also help alleviate post-dinner bloating and cure many PMS-related symptoms.

Chocolate: What's not to love about chocolate? Not only does it pump up your endorphins, it also stimulates the production of dopamine in the brain and will increase a woman's sex drive. What's more, according to Italian researchers, women who eat chocolate regularly have a better sex life than those who deny themselves the treat. So, do yourself a favor and include this Chocolate Bourbon Pecan Pie along with the classic pumpkin.

Booze: Red, red wine.... we all know it makes one feel fine, but along with decreasing your inhibitions, red wine is also rich in resveratrol, an important antioxidant. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that levels of sexual desire were higher in women who were moderate drinkers of red wine than in their counterparts who preferred other alcoholic drinks, or were teetotalers.

Get ready to eat, drink and be very merry this Thanksgiving. Gobble gobble!

7 Phrases Men Love to Hear

Whether you're starting a new relationship or already married, there are some things that don't change, like the need to feel attractive, appreciated, and wanted. And it's not just women who want these things -- men do too! Below are things you can say to a man, at any stage of your love life, that will leave him glowing.

#1. You look great.
Men have insecurities, just like women. And whether he shows it or not, sometimes he's wondering if his shirt looks better tucked in or out, or if his belly is sticking out a little too far over his belt. This is an especially good compliment if he's been going to the gym -- why do you think he's doing all that working out?

#2. I love it when you [insert action].
This is one that can benefit you as much as him. Men are the traditional initiators, and even if your man isn't the one to make the first move, chances are he sometimes feels like he should. If you don't tell him what you like, he's just flying blind. In fact, if you haven't complimented him he might even think you don't like what he's doing. And of course, the more you tell him you love it when he massages your neck or warmly hugs you, the more he'll do it.

#3. That woman just checked you out.
Yes, this helps his self-confidence, but it also tells him that you just saw another woman looking at him and you're not afraid to tell him. It shows that you're confident enough to know that he won't be lured away by another gal. Plus, what guy can resist the thought that women are giving him the once-over?

#4. You're right.
We all like to be right, men included. And you know what? Sometimes they are. It probably happens less often than he thinks, but when he is right, it's nice to tell him, especially if you were arguing. Sure, it might make you feel a little sheepish, but it's worth it in the end. It'll make him feel good, and showing that you're a reasonable creature who can admit when you're wrong will help temper future disagreements.

#5. Will you help me unscrew this?
Men like to feel manly. It might not be PC, but it's ingrained in our culture. Helping women with simple tasks makes them feel macho and noble. We're not saying you should ask him to do things you can easily do yourself, but if you do need assistance, it's a little ego-booster he'll be happy to accept.

#6. You're not going bald.
About one-quarter of men start losing their hair at age 25 and two-thirds have begun balding by 60. Losing his locks is one of a man's greatest fears. So even if he is getting a bit naked up top, tell him he's not. It's the male equivalent of "Do these jeans make me look fat?" No, honey, of course not.

#7. I love your [insert body part].

Sometimes it helps to get specific. And, we're not gonna lie, one of the best fill-in-the-blanks here is, "I love your you-know-what" (or whatever word you can say without laughing or blushing too much.) Men are sensitive about their manly bits and they want to know that you're attracted to what they have.

One

Don't let it go by
without a shout-out,
a hey you, and a here's another!

Yes. It's anniversary time, again.
The days are numbered, so don't forget,
to clasp them tight and say, amen!

Happy First Anniversary Abe! Please visit his blog and leave a comment for congratulations!

Sex position of the day

Every day on handbag.com we'll be bringing you a new sex position of the day, starting with a look at the best positions for women. From sweet and simple lovemaking favourites to quickie poses, kinky trysts and even hot hints from the ancient art of the Kama Sutra, each and every day we'll give you a new sex position to discover and claim as your own - with a little help from your lucky partner, of course.

The Erotic Woman

I've found this site via Kinkerbelle and added it to my daily list of must visit sites - Adult playground of free sex stories and erotica.

9 People Who Kill The Mood During Sex

9. The Over-Attentive Waiter
“How’s everthing? Good? Am I putting too much weight on you? Is this position okay? Oh, are you okay or did you make that noise because you like that?” It’s fantastic that you care so much about your partner's enjoyment, but when you feel the need to check in every time you move your genitals, it starts to take a hot situation and make it feel like you’re a waiter trying to butter them up for a 20% tip because rent's due tomorrow. Just check in at necessary times and if they want dessert, they’ll order it.

8. She Who Keeps Cats in the Room
Here’s a complete list of things cats give a shit about: Cats. Therefore, they don’t care that you’re sharing an intimate moment with a man, they want you to pay attention to them, so they start meowing or positioning themselves so that you’re the only thing they can see. And although you’re not bothered by your cats, the guy on top of you might be a little creeped out that Mittens has decided to engage him in a staring contest, first one to lose an erection wins.

7. The Guy that Answers Rhetorical Dirty Talk Questions with Serious
Responses
Dirty talk is like playing in a coed softball league: it’s a fun activity, but if you take it too seriously, you look like an asshole. Dirty talk questions are part of a fantasy that makes sex hotter. Therefore when a woman asks you five times in a row, “How do you make me so wet?” and you give a real world answer like, “I don’t know, maybe the angle.” And even though you whispered it in your sexy voice, it’s a real answer and thus, kills the mood.

6. The Person Who Doesn’t Turn Off Their Cell Phone
When you have an erect penis, or a stimulated vagina, the last thing you want to hear is a midi version of Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide.” Cell phone rings are intended to get your attention, that’s their job, so leaving one on while you have sex is basically the same as bringing your mother into the room and asking her to scream, “Hey! I have important news about your cousin, Kyle! He got into Brandeis!” over and over again while you try to reach orgasm. Which you would never do, unless you were German. Read more >>

Guys with iPhones

Are you a guy with an iPhone? Sent anyone a hot self-pic lately? You might want to check out Guys With iPhones to see if anyone has added you to the pool yet.

Top 10 things your mama inadvertently taught you about sex

1. Always wear clean underwear.
   
   
2. Trim your fingernails and wash your hands thoroughly and often. (It’ll help you avoid infection and make you less likely to tear delicate internal linings during manual sex.)
   
   
3. Ladies first.
   
   
4. Don’t take candy from strangers. (You should know someone well enough to ask about their sexual health history first.)
   
   
5. Don’t eat candy that’s unwrapped. (It should always have a condom on it.)
   
   
6. Change your sheets once a week.
   
   
7. Make sure you get enough fiber in your diet. (Because it’ll help keep things clean and tidy back there, which means you’ll be more comfortable having all of your crotch intimately explored.)
   
   
8. Don’t forget the golden rule: do unto others as you would have done to you. (Yes, she was talking about oral sex.)
   
   
9. Clean your room. (Because a tower of dirty laundry in the corner of the bedroom doesn’t put anybody in the mood for sex.)
   
   
10. You never call. Why don’t you call? If you say you’re going to call, then call.

What Your Breasts Say About Your Bedroom Skills

According to Now Public, way back in 18th Century Spain, scientists believed you could gauge how good a woman was in bed by just examining her boobs. Hm, that sounds like a lame excuse for nerdy dudes to get their grubby hands on ye ole girls…but alas “sternomancy,” the study of the bumps on the breast bone, was actually considered to be a legitimate and even divine discipline of yesteryear. Nowadays, you don’t need a PhD in ta-ta’s to be able to tell what your pair says about you. We’ve broken all the boobies down for you! more >>

Advice men shouldn't take from women

Getting dating and relationship advice from women can have its obvious benefits. They're behind enemy lines -- they know the opposition and can offer a play-by-play on how to win a dating battle. Given their innate understanding of the female mind, it would stand to reason that women should be a man’s main source of intel, right? No -- about face, soldier! You have to realize that most women deal in half-truths when doling out pearls of dating wisdom. It's not a deliberate sabotage; it's simply a case of what women want and what they say they want not quite overlapping. Here are the standard-issue examples of advice you shouldn't take from women.

"Be yourself"
This isn't a total lie on the part of the hordes of women who say it. Many females fancy themselves mature individuals who want to see beyond the dating games into the real soul of the guy hitting on her. But let's be real; no one is their actual self when they're first meeting someone they're attracted to. If that were the case, women would go to bars wearing their comfy sweats and no makeup, and we all know that’s not what you’re seeing when you’re out on a Friday night. Women try to put out the best, shiniest versions of themselves when they're on the prowl, and they expect the same from you.

Bottom line: Girls want to get to know the real you, but only to a certain extent. Save the Battlestar Galactica obsession and ex-girlfriend sob stories for the fifth or sixth date. Read more >>

What's your O-face?

Get in bed and get your O-faces on! Send your best snapshot of your O-face to Three Olives and a chance to win $10,000, a VIP trip to NYC and your O-face in a national ad campaign.

An open letter to PMS

Dear PMS:

Why?
Just why?

Who do you think you are? I mean really. You come around once a month like that annoying friend you don’t really want to hear from, yet every month, without fail, she asks you for plans and you feel sort of obligated. So you give in, but then coffee turns into an all day shopping ordeal and by the end you want to tear your hair out because now not only did you learn that you can’t stand the person you are with, but - bonus lesson! - you learned that eating cookies DOES in fact equal having to buy a size up in your jeans.

Well that’s how I feel with you. Only instead of a day, it’s 5 and the only person I can’t stand to be around is myself. (The part of the too-tight jeans rings true thanks to you making me feel the urge to eat a bag of something salty, which of course leads me to want something sweet, which then of course leads me to want a tuna sandwich. I know! I don’t get it either!) Read on >>

LoveHoney Erotic Story Competition

Seeing your fantasies come to life in print leaves you with a wonderful sense of satisfaction and will hopefully leave your readers hot under the collar too!

So if you fancy getting creative with your words, then LoveHoney has the perfect competition for you...

Introducing the Second LoveHoney Vulgari Award for Erotic Fiction Competition!

After the success of last year's competition, we decided to run another one this year!

We want you to try your hand at writing an erotic story with a twist - it must involve at least one of the sex toys available for sale at LoveHoney.

Sexcells: Phone Erotica Contest

I’m absolutely into this contest because my phone could use some sexing up. (Well, actually I have an iPhone so it’s already pretty sexy). I like that anyone can enter the contest - if you enter, put a link to your entry in the comments below. You have until April 15th to submit.

In an age where vibrations announce flirtations in the form of text messages & conquests are captured with cell phone photos and video, 3rd Ward is challenging people to take it up a notch - a bed post notch!

This nationwide open call is a search for well-executed, erotic expressions made only with a cell phone. Videos, photos and texts will all be accepted. It’s time somebody showed sloppy celebrities and indiscreet politicians how it’s done. Redefine your phone.

$500 will be awarded for the most intriguing submission and all work will be curated into a group show with a huge opening reception! Select submissions will also be published in 3rd Ward’s quarterly publication. [source]