08 February, 2008

Reasons You Don't Have an Orgasm

Let's be honest -- climaxing can be tricky at times. But learning to correct simple bedroom boo-boos can ensure you reach your peak potential a lot more often. Read on.
Going...going...gone. Sometimes it seems like just as your man's sliding into home, your orgasm's fouling out. But rather than chalk it up to bad luck, it may simply be time to switch up your gratification-getting MO. "Without meaning to, women often wind up getting in the way of their own sexual satisfaction," says sexologist Carole Altman, Ph.D., author of You Can Be Your Own Sex Therapist. "You have to own your orgasm -- you can't just rely on a man to get the job done." The first step: fixing the following carnal errors.

Racing Through Foreplay

Here's the scenario: Your guy is eager to get to the main event. Problem is, you're not exactly ready and you're afraid that if you ask for a little more pregame action, he might think you're too high-maintenance in bed or just get frustrated. Plus, like a lot of women, you may feel self-conscious about just lying there and receiving pleasure. But don't rush through the warm-up.

"Most women need about 20 minutes of arousal time to reach the 'orgasmic platform,' when the clitoris is most sensitive and the body is primed for stimulation," says sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of the Hot Guide to Safer Sex. "Skipping the whole sexual-response cycle makes it harder to get off." We know that 20 minutes may sound like a long time, but trust us, the good guys don't mind.

In fact, it's a turn-on. "It was really hard for me to orgasm, so I'd tell my boyfriend, 'It's okay, don't worry about it' when it didn't happen," says Melissa, 29. One night, he told me to lie back and just let him do his thing to me. I eventually orgasmed, and he clearly loved every minute he spent getting me off." A bonus of peaking preintercourse: "Having an orgasm during foreplay increases a woman's chances of climaxing during intercourse," says Altman.

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