24 January, 2011

Stop Calling Him Honey

When you first started dating your husband, remember how nice it was to say his name when you spoke to him or called his work and asked for him? You probably thought, "Wow, I like this guy and I like his name too."

Now, like the authors Maggie Arana and Julienne Davis, I have talked to plenty of women and men in my life about relationships, and I can say that the man's name never came up in the conversation as part of the attraction. And as far as research and scientific method - this book candidly eschews such works as "only treating the symptoms" or "extremely academic" and most other books on the subject "offered very little in the way of effective or understandable advice." They were shocked...shocked!...to find that in none of their search for answers for why a couple's sex life winds down did ANY of them make the "honey" connection. Don't worry though! Arana and Davis to the rescue!

Arana and Davis have some sound advice, but they do some theological gymnastics to make what they find fit their theory that calling your lover honey is a death knell to your sex life; for instance, connecting the word honey as a catalyst to couples who baby talk and engage in more child/parent type relationships to the demise of their sex life. Is it really the practice of saying "Honey" that turns a relationship into that? Isn't there just a bit more to it than that? They cite examples of this and then JUST by saying your partner's given name - all is cured. It's too simplistic. They dismiss terms of endearment as silly, superfluous and relationship killers. In their defense, I agree that names do matter - but everyone knows that - one man finds joy in calling his menopausal wife his "dead vessel." How is that equated to calling your husband Hon? Or he calling you sweetie? Read on >>

No comments: