04 August, 2008

Ten tips for enjoyable orgasms

Here are ten tips about sex, relationships and orgasms that hopefully should give you a wonderful experience.

1. Forget that bad sex advice
We’re constantly being told that good sex is getting it a lot, trying loads of new positions and techniques and buying lots of products. While adventure and exploration are important, a focus on performance and quantity means it’s more difficult to explore quality sexual experiences that give us pleasure.
Most contemporary sex advice makes out that ‘good’ sex involves a bit of foreplay and then penetration where the woman should come a few times before the guy has an explosive orgasm. This sets up a fairly restricted view of sex and often leads people to feel under pressure to perform in a set time and a formulaic way.

Worse still, countless sex books, products and magazine articles tell us that we now should be having ‘best ever’, ‘great’ or ‘mind-blowing’ orgasms. Implying that just a plain old orgasm is dull or boring. Not surprising that some people who are enjoying perfectly good sex think they are missing out because there is some ‘better’ orgasm that’s eluding them.

To enjoy sex we need to prioritise pleasure over performance, trust over technique, quality over quantity, and make enjoyment and experimentation our goals.

2. You have a life outside the bedroom
This may seem like a strange tip since we’re so used to seeing orgasm advice being pinned specifically to positions, toys and techniques. But all the products in the world aren’t going to help if there are underlying problems getting in the way of your pleasure. These might include mental or physical health problems, relationship worries, a lack of confidence, lack of support with childcare or housework, the inability to communicate your needs, or stress.

If you’re feeling tired, resentful, overworked or unwanted then it is very hard to feel like having sex or enjoy encounters with a partner. If there’s anything creating a barrier for your relationship – or just having a good time on your own – then this is your priority. If you don’t tackle these issues your sex life will never be what you (or your partner) want. Read more >>

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