05 November, 2007

The rise of sexless love

Research claims that one third of UK women are experiencing a lack of sex – including those who are married or cohabiting. Is it possible for passionate sex to last a lifetime of loving? Yes, but there's a knack to it

Are you experiencing a lack of sex? If there's one thing most of us can agree on it's that sex and longterm relationships always seem to nose-dive into catch-22 territory. In the early days you and your man would've generated enough sexual electricity to keep a hotel room powered for days. Fast forward a few years and while your commitment and love have deepened, that heady La-Perla-thong-ripping passion has simply withered away.

According to Esther Perel – a New York based author and the world's leading authority on sexlessness in relationships - a lack of sex and monogamy has always been a somewhat impermissible truth, and it may now account for rising divorce stats in the UK. In her highly acclaimed book, 'Mating in Captivity – Sex, Lies and Domestic Bliss', Esther puts forward this refreshingly honest thesis: stable, life-long loving and sexual desire are largely contradicting energies, and, 'Couples who may have had great sex to start off with find it shocking how things unexpectedly go off track once domesticity sets in.'

Ah, domesticity. Sharing the washing up, clipping toe nails together in front of the TV, weekly shops at Sainsbury's. As creatures of habit, these benchmarks are usually bonafide signs we've reached the highly sought-after stage of cosy coupledom. But why does sex go from hot to distinctly not whenever we get comfortable with a man?

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