How to behave after sex

VideoJug: How To Behave After Sex

Step 1:
Advice for him
You may feel that you have expressed yourself quite enough,
perhaps you have expressed yourself a number of times, and feel spent.
But it's essential you stay awake for long enough to make her feel loved.
You may have to fight the urge to sleep, but remember now it's time for her to unload all over you.
Speed up the process by making encouraging noises and agreeing to everything she says.
The Past Master of this was Marlon Brando,
who put his incredible success with women down to the pose of propping himself up on his elbow, which made him look interested in whatever the lady had to say-
even if he was actually falling asleep.

Step 2:
Advice for her
Be aware that he will be exhausted - after all you gave him more love than he could cope with.
So try and keep your hopes and dreams for the future to a minimum.
And certainly don't expand into more mundane issues, like household chores, work gossip
or whatever was on your mind while you were expressing your love.
And if it had been instigated as a way of diffusing an argument or row,
it is very important to avoid bringing up the argument again,
especially as his defences are now down- and it would be too easy.

Step 3:
Advice for both of you
If you've managed to avoid upsetting each other so far, don't ruin everything by marking your partner's performance on a range of factors such as skill, effort, creativity and attendance.
Never compare this performance to anyone or anything else.
And don't fart loudly, do a victory dance, or leave.