29 July, 2008

How About Doing Something with that Unsightly Vagina of Yours

The rage these days is pussy – but not any old pussy – actually, especially not old pussy. Designer vaginas are the hot genital ticket – pimped-up pussies, souped-up snatches, beefed-up boxes, haute cunt-oure – whatever you want to call it – they’re this year’s hepatitis A! Hey, it’s what’s in vogue. And you’re missing out. So pick up that ham sandwich – eating disorders are so last year – and pick up your pussy – surgically!

Yes, the pussy as product has come a long way, baby. Actually, it’s come from babies – to beautifications of the most draconian persuasion. But it’s all for a good reason – Leading Doctors have recently confirmed that most women suffer from the debilitating condition known as UPS (Ugly Pussy Syndrome). It’s not a killer, but it is mildly worse than RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). And it needs your attention. Like, now. Because your pussy should never look like it’s having a bad hair day. Or a bad pussy day for that matter.

Apparently once a girl hits a certain age or sexual mileage, her pussy breaks down like an old time-clock that just won’t punch anymore. The lips become distended and jowly like Henry Kissinger, and the clitoris wrinkles up like a Tree Person from Lord of the Rings. There’s a Did You Know for your next social gathering. Read on >>

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