27 May, 2008

What Kind of Sex Do You Like?

In the evening, he wants to make love. In the morning, he wants to get it on. Sometimes, he just wants a little sumthin' sumthin'. Sex by any other name is still sex, but all sex is not created equal (do not get me started). I blame the names sex is given. Take "humping" for example. Ew. So I've come up with a few of my own.

Renaming sex can inspire the most overwhelmed of moms to want it more, and heeeey, get it better! Because orgasms, like pizza and shoes, are all good, and you deserve plenty of each. You don't have to employ a babysitter, lingerie, lotions, potions and paddles (you tart!) to have more and hotter sex. You only need a few new sex names to get you going. And hopefully coming.

The Double Duty Booty
What if it weren't that you're always too tired for sex, but that just the word "sex" sounds like a lot of work? Put your leg over there, move your arm over here, lift the hips higher, oh baby oh baby. Then suddenly "OMG the baby!" The Double Duty Booty is a multi-tasker. Try this: Sunday morning shower; he scrubs your back while you apply a hair masque; you find a position that isn't slip-dangerous; you both get your jollies while repairing split ends.

The Warm and Yummy
You're tired. You're blue. Something has happened. You just feel, well, needy. The Warm and Yummy is comfort sex, like if you could give your vajayjay a chicken pot pie. It's not aerobic, and there's no orgasm goal. It's the closest to making love, but without the bogus pressure to be pretty or perform. You're simply connecting. Ask for it, like you would a hug--a hug that happens to involve his privates.

The Vajayjay Volcano
It's not as if mindblowing sex is as easy as ordering a side of ham. But if it were, wouldn't you be having it all the time, no matter who vomited on your new J.Crew canary yellow t-shirt this morning? If I had the quick answer for this one, I'd be...something besides a tired mom. You want, you need, you deserve Vajayjay Volcanos with your man. A for effort on this one. May I suggest you employ a babysitter, lingerie, lotions, potions and paddles? [source]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

in my house, we say "take care of the laundry"