09 May, 2008

Swingers don't cheat

It is astounding to me that so many people can lie to themselves this easily. It is even more incredible that as a society, we have turned those lies into conventional wisdom.

How long can people stay in this type of denial?

There is a definition of insanity that reads, 'Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results every time'. If as a society, we observed another culture that has a greater than 50% mortality rate treating the measles, we would collectively question how they approach medicine. If that same culture were to encourage its population to invest their entire life savings only to have half of them go completely bankrupt, while the majority of the remainder lived below the poverty line, we would think they were sensationally stupid. Yet that is exactly what we as Americans do when it concerns marriage.


There is a small portion of our society that has summoned the courage to question an institution that has such an abysmal rate of failure. However these people who decide not to engage in a matrimonial practice that has traditionally proven to be horribly unsuccessful are considered to be the ones who are acting irrational. Swingers are often met with scorn, ridicule, and sometimes worse by people whose chances for marital happiness are about the same as getting eaten by a shark. People with 'secular' lifestyles, and in particular, those who practice negotiated non-monogamy, have often found a more successful formula for longer lasting, happier marriages. Yet the standard set by alleged experts in the field of conjugality is that there is only one successful path to a happy marriage... but they have chosen a methodology that has a divorce rate greater than 50%. And often the majority of those who do manage to stay together aren't exactly living in the wedded bliss they were hoping for when they muttered the words 'I do'. Many have ignorantly classified swingers as pathological. It makes me wonder what exactly qualifies a person as an 'expert'.

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