How to give a good handjob

Months later, the deal with Penny finally came together, and we shot a great movie, with only one dilemma: What do we call it? Right now, the working title is Penny Flame's Expert Guide to Hand Jobs for Men and Women. Wiktionary defines a handjob as "an act of masturbation performed by someone else's hand," which is pretty accurate. The problem is, when most people think of handjobs, they think of cocks. We've got plenty of cocks in the movie, but we also have lots of pussies, and I fear handjob doesn't immediately bring "vagina" to mind—which is why we tacked on "for men and women," but that just makes the title more cumbersome, less catchy. Think about it: There are a ton of well-known phrases for man-ipulating the male member (wack off, beat off, jack off), but little slang or even sexy shorthand that connotes using your digits on a woman to make her squirm or come.

When I tried to explain one such hands-on scene in the movie to an agent in the industry, he replied, "So this is like The Expert Guide to Finger-Banging Girls or something?" Finger-banging! A descriptive word, certainly less polite than handjob, and dirtier than just fingering. But as a matter of fact, fingering and finger-banging imply penetration, which isn't entirely accurate, since it's not just about the banging. Manual clitoral stimulation is boring and way too much of a mouthful. There's jerking off and the feminized jilling off, but that sounds like you're alone when it's happening. There are more descriptive terms like rubbing, stroking, petting, diddling, frigging . . . none are quite right. When was the last time you used the word "frigging" in a sentence? I thought so. If I was telling someone about using my thumb and her friends in bed, I might say I "played with her pussy," "worked her clit," or "jerked her off." Nothing sexy, nothing catchy.

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