If Your Man's Not In The Mood, It's Probably All Your Fault

Not tonight, dear, you're my wife.

A staggering 20 million marriages are believed to be sexless, or nearly so, and it's not only wives who are feigning headaches.

A new survey reveals why men are putting the brakes on bedtime play. The biggest reason? They've simply grown bored with the women they married.

Among the men polled by New York City sexologist and author Bob Berkowitz and his writer wife, Susan Yager-Berkowitz, 68 percent blame their wives for failing to inflame their passion.

Among other things, the hubbies complain that "she doesn't seem to enjoy it."

One 30-year-old reported, "I'm game for almost anything, but her idea of adventurous sex is leaving the light on."

A long-married 57-year-old said, "She doesn't want anything except same place, same time, same way and that's always with the TV taking priority."

Their solution? Just stop doing it altogether.

"Sometimes I do imagine the sex is so boring it's just not worth having," Yager-Berkowitz said.

In follow-up interviews, the men whined that their wives wouldn't do a specific sex act, show enthusiasm or give the positive reinforcement they needed.

"For some guys it may mean that she's not doing what they see online, which is unrealistic," Berkowitz said.

In fact, porn, anger, and libido-lowering meds were also to blame.

About half of the men said they were interested in sex - with other people.

"If these guys are not having sex with their wives, they're probably having affairs," Berkowitz said.

But the 20 percent of men who admitted in the survey to affairs was about the same as the national average, he said.

Berkowitz and his wife took on the project because sexless marriages have long been blamed on frigid wives and there's been little research done on non-horny hubbies.

They conducted an online survey of 4,000 men and women, most of them married and some in long-term relationships, all of whom are barely having sex because of the man. The result is the upcoming book "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore."

Manhattan family therapist Mikki Meyer said she sees more and more sexless marriages, which she blames on exhaustion and overscheduling, even if the husbands won't admit to it.

Psychologist Bonnie Jacobson of Manhattan said the first step is for couples to talk about it.

"No one wants to live celibate," she said.

NY Post