15 September, 2007

Tips and Suggestions on having sex with me

1) Take off your fucking socks. Seriously. I hate when guys have sock on and try to have sex with me. I hate the way it looks in porn, too. Just take them off, unless you have icky foot problems. If you have an icky foot problem, wait until it clears up before having sex with me.

Most clothing, actually. I like naked sex for the most part, though there are exceptions.

You can, however, leave your hat on. (Especially cowboy hats, and fireman hats.)

Addendum: Take of your watch, too. If you need to check on the time that badly, I do have a bedside alarm clock.

2) Do Not have an S.O. who doesn't know we're having sex/seeing each other or isn't cool with it. I'm a slut, but I'm an ethical one. If you think you can lie to me about the wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/whomever, you're wrong. I always find out. And when I do find out, it won't be pretty. I refuse to be a bit on the side. I deserve much better than that. I have selective moral qualms.

3) If you email me, please attempt to write decently. Use full words. If you can't be bothered to type out the entire three letters of the words 'you' 'one' and 'are', I'm going to assume you're too lazy to do so. If you're too lazy to type out a three letter word, I'm going to assume you're too lazy to put effort into sex. And I won't have sex with you. I'm not expecting Dante or Shakespeare from ya'll.

Addendum: If you can't spell it, you can't do it. - If you can't spell the sex act which you want us to engage in, I won't do it. If you can't spell the body part you want to see, I won't show it to you. Honestly. I've had emails where the word 'fuck' was spelled wrong. Read on >>

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