Swapping and swinging

MOST people in steady relationships occasionally wonder what it would be like to make love with someone different.

It's not easy to keep your sex-life feeling fresh and exciting for year after year, and swapping partners for the odd night can sound like the best way to sharpen up your appetite without risking your relationship.

After all, if you're both doing it openly, the argument runs, what can be the harm?

It doesn't involve deceit, like an affair, and you both have fun.

The Internet has vastly increased the ease with which you can make contact with other potential swingers, and you can find dogging sites within a few metres with a few clicks of the mouse. All very simple.

Unfortunately, it's not as simple as that.

Human beings are not just animals. Our sex life is closely linked with our emotions.

Making love with a partner can be difficult to keep separate from feeling in love with them.

What can be safe as a fantasy can be very risky for our relationships when we get real people involved.

Judging by the readers who get in touch with me, it is usually the man in a couple who is pressing to try swapping and swinging.

In fact, men are often more capable than women of just having sex without getting emotionally involved.

But their excitement at the idea of acting out their fantasy often blinds them to the risks they are running in reality.

To start with, they may feel confident that they can have sex with the other woman without it threatening their love for their partner, but can find they react very differently afterwards about their partner having made love with another man. Read on >>